Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
