My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize