Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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