be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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