Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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