I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
