you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
