I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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