just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize