Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Drake has all the answers
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
