My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
