the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
