i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
