My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
