You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
