im drinking this country out of the recession.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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