I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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