I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize