I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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