the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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