If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
