her vagine was all disorganized.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
