Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
