I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
