I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
