just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
