do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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