chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just found puke in my bra..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
BRING THE BAGELS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I touched a dick in church today
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
