Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
