I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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