the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize