I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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