she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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