If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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