I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
