i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
