Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize