hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize