i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
