Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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