Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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