Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
