You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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