Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
