WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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