Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
