so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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