I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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