Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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