I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
