Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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