My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she smelled like a LAN party
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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