Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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