The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
