i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
