guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
