the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
