Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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