Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When are your genitals available?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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