I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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