i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
