just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
