I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
