i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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