you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
