my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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