i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize