The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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