Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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