I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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