Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
