I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
