Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
operation have a gay friend backfired
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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