remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
