had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize