im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
