i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
