Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
