Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
