i already hear my dad disowning me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
