who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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