a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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