She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
