Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
