Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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