yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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