I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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