I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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