i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
