The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
