i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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