Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
