I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
