I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
