K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize