Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
