a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
