My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
