I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
