Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
