dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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