Jerry, you need to find god
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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