I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She is in my trunk
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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