my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
