I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize