I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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