I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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